Category Archives: Fish

Fish Jokes


A little fish walks into a bar. The bartender asks the fish “What can I get you?”
The little fish replies (gasping) “Water! I need water!”

Two fish swim in a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says “Dam”.

What do you call a fish who is missing an eye?

2 fish are in a tank, one says to the other one “I’ll drive, you can shoot the gun”

What is the easiest way to catch a fish?
Have someone throw it to you.

What do you call the soft tissue that lies between a sharks teeth?
A very slow swimmer

Where do fish keep their money?
In a river bank.

Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.


Weedy Scorpionfish_1 has a short list of interesting facts about the scorpionfish:

1. Scorpionfish have extremely potent venom in their sharp spines, making them one of the most poisonous animals in the ocean.

2. Scorpionfish tend to live near the surface but can be found up to 2,625 feet (800 m) deep.

3. Scorpionfish are about 8 inches (20 cm) long on average , but some species can grow to a maximum length of 20 inches (50 cm).

4. Scorpionfish blend in perfectly with their coral and rocky surroundings because of their mottled color patterns.

5. Scorpionfish are solitary and only congregate for mating.1

We are, it appears, supposed to take all these claims on faith except the last one, which references the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization – who are apparently the world experts on fish sex.



This mudskipper is not on mud – nor is it skipping. Really, it’s more of a rocksitter.

Interestingly, when you look up the official rules for rock sitting, the expression here makes perfect sense:

Human and Fish

Human and Fish

I like how they put up a force field to keep the fish from eating the kid.

And for those of you who say “umm, it’s glass”, might I remind you that the kid can’t touch the glass because the electrons in his hand are repelled by the electrons in the glass, so it’s all about the electromagnetic FORCE.

So I’m right.


*Except about that. Google tells me it’s actually spelled “Thpppt”.



Fish that just got one of those “grab the book nearest you and turn to page X” memes and is honestly baffled.

Who has a single book that is clearly the “nearest”? Do you measure from the center of your body mass? From your outer surface? If it’s not clear, are you supposed to get a measuring tape? What if you walk nearer a different book on your way to get the tape and back? Do you have to measure the distance to every book along that path to pick the right one? What happens when you reach out to measure, changing your outer surface’s proximity to the book? What if you go through all this effort to find that there is no page X? What if the book is only X-4 pages long? What if page X is blank? What if page X was torn out in a fit of frustration the last time you had to go through this exercise.

This fish thinks the Internet is too complicated and goes back to reading.

(and before you ask, the fish can read underwater because of the SCUBA* gear.)

*Self Contained Underwater Browsing Apparatus

Butterfly Splitfin

Butterfly Splitfin_3

The butterfly splitfin is sort of extinct in the wild. I say “sort of” because it was declared extinct, then they found some more, then they found others that had escaped captivity.

So it is, perhaps, more fair to say that their population has been greatly reduced and then dispersed throughout the area so, while not extinct in the wild, the easiest way to see them is still at zoos.

Pacific Spiny Lumpsucker

Pacific Spiny Lumpsucker

Lumpsucker realizing, to his shock, that Don Henley’s “The Boys of Summer” could be about a horde of young Sidhe predators who invade in the summertime, abducting all the pretty humans to be slaves in the underworld, leaving small towns desolate and longing for what they have lost, just as the glamour fades and, with it, all specific memory.