This crab thinks that if people cared about maintaining the mystery in a process, they probably shouldn’t ask questions about it.
Related, this crab doesn’t know where its ideas come from.
Images
Burmese Mountain Tortoise
The World Chelonian Trust says of the Burmese Mountain Tortoise (Manouria emys), “Wild caught emys are not much fun, even for those experienced with them.”
I suspect this is because they are constantly judging you.
Emperor Newt
This newt was ill equipped to govern and is secretly relieved to be living in exile.
Sharkthing
Just in case you forgot that skin was three* dimensional.
* Well, okay, four.
Tentacled Snake
Tentacled snakes were named before the general popularity of anime. Still, it’s no excuse for the naturalists to not know what real tentacles looked like.
Orangutan
He swears he had his phone a minute ago.
Pied Imperial Pigeon
Though not appreciated in its time, the unknown artist’s early attempts to ride popular trends led this work to be named both as “Girl Without A Pearl Earring” and as “The Lady Without The Ermine”.
Hyena
TFW you’re throwing a perfectly fine outdoor party and someone lets their miniature hyena run wild amongst the glasses.
Leopard
Leopard posing with the traditional fourth birthday barrel.
Superb Starling
Starling wondering why no one every tracks dirt *out* of the house.
Taveta Golden Weaver
Taveta golden weaver inspecting the landing gear.
Western Plantain Eater
Plantain Eater that believes that there was, in fact, something Bonnie Tyler could do. Yes, emotions can cloud one’s heart, but clouds can block eclipses as well.
Perhaps a more nuanced view of life’s emotions were warranted.
Lappet Faced Vulture
The internet tells me that a “lappet” is “a small decorative flap or fold”.
Henceforth, it’s not that I stay up too late. It’s that I am developing lappety eyes … you know, for decoration.
Giant River Otter
In a world with smartphones, smart watches, smartcards, and Smart Cars, this giant river otter doesn’t see the point in studying.
Harris Hawk
Harris hawk with the emperor’s new wine glass.
Amazon Tree Frog
This frog is glad that Comcast pulled out of the Disney/Marvel/Fox merger fight, because it would have been boring to watch Thanos spend fifteen minutes gathering the Xfinity Stones and two hours trying to remember his password.
Impressed Tortoise
Impressed tortoise is not … well, not with you, anyway.
Burmese Star Tortoise
The Burmese star tortoise is critically endangered because the natives of Myanmar can feed their family for a year by capturing and selling one on the black market. Being caught risks seven years of jail … but it’s hard to get caught.
When I talk of economic inequality as a threat, this is the sort of thing I mean.
* formerly Burma**
** formerly Toungoo***
*** formerly Ava****, Hanthawaddy****,† and Shan****
**** formerly Pagan*****
***** formerly Pyu and Mon city-states******
****** formerly unnamed iron, bronze, and stone age societies*******
******* formerly******** molten rock incapable of supporting human life
******** extremely formerly
† Where do commas†† go in relation to superscript footnote indications?†††
†† Does it matter if they are Oxford†††† commas?
††† The online guides do not agree‡, suggesting conflicts between US and UK English as well as differences between style guides
†††† Do other schools have their own commas?
‡ Well, they do all agree that footnotes should be used sparingly and only when needed‡‡
‡‡ They are, of course, wrong about that
Giant Wood Rail
Personally, I don’t think you should be allowed to call an animal a “giant” unless they’re at least twice as big as the average human.
Spotted Wobbegong
The books say these are also called “carpet sharks” because of their striking patterning, but I have to believe that the fact that they lay on the bottom of the ocean floor has something to do with it as well.