Sure, they say he’s a great horned owl, but he looks a bit shabby to me.
Leopard
Now is a time to paws and consider.
Nicobar Pigeon
If you have trouble boiling water due to altitude, try adding just a little bit of pigeon.
Tomistoma
Tomistoma pondering why, with the most capitalistic president ever elected, the following solutions have not been proposed:
– Sell a set of linked billboards, scaling the rates based on proximity to large cities, allowing both American and Mexican businesses to pay for the border wall.
– Sell the rights for all statues of Robert E. Lee to KFC so they can rebrand him as Colonel Sanders nation-wide in a stunning marketing coup.
– Outsource the U.S.’s nuclear program to China and India, eliminating the need to remember all those pesky codes.
– Get rid of all those troublesome liberal states by selling them cheap to Canada.
Tomistoma is starting to think that some people are the brilliant businessmen they claim to be.
Red Ruffed Lemur
Baucis turned first.
Turtle
Lifehack: When doing self-inventory, put a dot on each chest plate so you don’t accidentally over-count.
Red River Hog
What if all pigs have this sort of colouring, but the ones you’ve seen were just really muddy?
White Handed Gibbon
Oranges and lemons,
Say the bells of St. Clement’s.
You owe me five farthings,
Say the bells of St. Martin’s.
When will you pay me?
Say the bells of Old Bailey.
When I grow rich,
Say the bells of Shoreditch.
When will that be?
Say the bells of Stepney.
I do not know,
Says the gibbon of Bow.
Schmidts Guenon
The saddest part is the little piggy that had none.
Chimpanzee
She just watched the Red Wedding episode.
Black Hornbill
Neither the horn nor the bill of the black hornbill is black.
Tiger Leg Monkey Frog
Frog secrets are not to be told.
Penguin
Houston, we have splash-down.
Red-eyed Crocodile Skink
Sometimes I hear zoo guests mispronounce names.
This is not a red-eyed crocodile skank.
Penguin
Later that night, the penguin made a “missed connections” post on Craigslist.
Panther Chameleon
I like how well the chameleons can blend into their surroundings.
Matamata
Matamata is happy to see you – but hard to see herself.
Largescale Foureyes
Foureye fish can survive on land, if they find themselves stranded at low tide.
Not weird enough for you?
Foureye fish only have two eyes, but each eye is split into two parts, with each part having its own pupil and retina. This allows them to see above and below the water at the same time.
Not weird enough for you?
Foureye fish are “one side maters”, meaning that right-“handed” males only mate with left-“handed” females and vice versa.
Green-Black Dart Frog
Frogs have bright colours to warn predators that they are poisonous.
Frogs have mottled patterns to help them blend in with the forest floor.
Frogs ain’t so bright sometimes.
Greater Siren
Just a handful of these almost destroyed Odysseus’s entire ship. That’s why the great siren is kept behind glass.