Wikipedia says “Garter snake is a common name for the nearly harmless, small to medium-sized snakes belonging to the genus Thamnophis”
Turns out they like to target seniors for investment fraud.
In Portland, even the tortoises eat kale.
I swear, they get *so* dusty.
Despite the clip art to the contrary, crocodiles are not well equipped to wear spectacles.
The gaboon viper has triangles pointing towards their eyes so they can always be looking sharp.
Snake sensing the direction of the political winds to determine the feasibility of taking away one more human right prior to the mid-term elections.
Gecko suffering from the Capgras delusion regarding his plants.
Dwarf caimans get a +1 bonus to bite against orc caimans and goblin caimans.
Wonder if Enya would have sung “Let me sail, let me sail, let me crash upon your shore” if she knew who lived there.
Tortoise pondering whether it really counts as “wanting to save the world” when what you really want to do is utterly destroy very specific pieces of it.
This snake is upset.
This snake did not put in all those years* snake school**, rising*** through the snake ranks at work, only to be stymied days before he was to get supreme power by someone who dared**** to remember***** things.
This snake feels he is owed supreme power. He needs supreme power. Without supreme power how will he ever be able to alter the rights of mice?
* Four years at snake prep school, four years at regular snake school, and three years at fancy-ass super snake school for rich snakes
** Well, they call it snake school, but there seems to be a lot more snake partying than snake studying. Just an observation from looking at calendars and such.
*** Really, for rich snakes from fancy-ass snake schools, “rising” is really just about not screwing up too publicly so you can get the next job handed to you.
**** The nerve of some people.
***** Anecdotal evidence would suggest that this snake might not remember things as well as other snakes. In the interest of fairness, I will not blame the snake for this as the snake might not remember that the snake has a memory problem.
This alligator is in favor of whatever stupid and cruel thing the government has recently decided to do, because desperate people make good eatin’.
(I made the post in advance but these days it’s not hard to be topical.)
This alligator likes eating people, thinks alligators should eat more people, and is pursuing this agenda.
This alligator, however, knows eating people is unpopular and actively works to hide true extent of his and his friends’ activities.
This alligator terms his behavior “resistance”.
Snake patiently waiting to ask you the riddle so he can eat when you answer it incorrectly.
This tomistoma thinks it is brave of a man, caught mis-using his power, sexually abusing women and threatening to destroy their careers, to re-enter public life.
This tomistoma knows not the difference between bravery and egotism.
The World Chelonian Trust says of the Burmese Mountain Tortoise (Manouria emys), “Wild caught emys are not much fun, even for those experienced with them.”
I suspect this is because they are constantly judging you.
Tentacled snakes were named before the general popularity of anime. Still, it’s no excuse for the naturalists to not know what real tentacles looked like.
Impressed tortoise is not … well, not with you, anyway.
The Burmese star tortoise is critically endangered because the natives of Myanmar can feed their family for a year by capturing and selling one on the black market. Being caught risks seven years of jail … but it’s hard to get caught.
When I talk of economic inequality as a threat, this is the sort of thing I mean.
* formerly Burma**
** formerly Toungoo***
*** formerly Ava****, Hanthawaddy****,† and Shan****
**** formerly Pagan*****
***** formerly Pyu and Mon city-states******
****** formerly unnamed iron, bronze, and stone age societies*******
******* formerly******** molten rock incapable of supporting human life
******** extremely formerly
† Where do commas†† go in relation to superscript footnote indications?†††
†† Does it matter if they are Oxford†††† commas?
††† The online guides do not agree‡, suggesting conflicts between US and UK English as well as differences between style guides
†††† Do other schools have their own commas?
‡ Well, they do all agree that footnotes should be used sparingly and only when needed‡‡
‡‡ They are, of course, wrong about that