It’s easier for some than others to participate in Movember.
Category Archives: Reptile
Snake
I now have a brand new “fuzzy logic” rice cooker that has the ability to make perfect rice every time. In addition to fancy electronics, simplified user interface, and (strangely) the ability to play a children’s song whenever you turn it on, it has a retractable power cord … just like my mom’s vacuum cleaner had back in the early 80’s and snake tongues have had for one hundred million years. #cuttingedgetechnology
Green Tree Python
This is striking posture. If you ever see a snake doing this near you, slowly back away and leave it alone.
That is, unless you really like perforation.
Rosy boa
“Mmmmmmmm. Mullberriessssss”
Day Gecko
Geckos always start their mornings with a good twenty minutes of tonguerobics.
Snapping Turtle – Albino
They had been best friends for years. They thought they would be friends forever. Then came the fateful day of the hike.
It had started as a pleasant day. They’d wandered the mountains, enjoying the scenery and conversation. Near the top of one mountain, she’d wanted to get a better view. He was worried about going out too far. Laughing, she teased him as she wandered out onto the cliff, dancing near the edge. His heart turned over as he saw her step on a loose rock, anger turning to fear.
As she slipped, he lunged forward, laying belly-flat on the cliff as he reached over to grab her, just missing her hand. She reached up to him as her left hand gave way and she fell, staring up at him in disappointment and sadness.
That is, until she remembered they were both turtles and swam back up to the cliff’s face. They laughed about the situation and decided that they would actually stay friends forever.
Blue Tongued Skink
Popsicles’ll do that.
Dwarf Crocodile (Osteolaemus tetraspis)
Crocodiles actually keep track of their species number by counting in binary on their teeth. This is the 57,514th dwarf crocodile in the world.
Turtle
Turtles often camouflage themselves to keep from being carried off by ospreys.
Indigo Snake (Drymarchon couperi)
Do you think snakes can be right- or left-tongued?
Cottonmouth (Agkistrodon piscivorus)
The invention of the cotton gin not only increased production of cotton, but it saved lives by reducing the number of people required to harvest cotton from the mouthes of these snakes.
Boulanger (Rhynchophis boulengeri)
To hunt at night, many snakes have evolved the ability to sense heat via infrared radiation. However, those that lack this capability have learned to tie lanterns to their heads to aid in nighttime hunting. Sadly, they have found that the string either chafe their mouths or prevent them from opening their jaws to their full capacity.
Thus, a small number of snakes have evolved protuberences on the front of their faces to which they may attach their lanterns without reducing their predatory efficacy.
Green Anaconda (Eunectes murinus)
Invisible pig.
Green Anaconda (Eunectes murinus)
“Yo pretty snakiess ’round the worldss
Got a weird thingss to show yass
So tell all the lil snakeletss
Tell your brothersss, your sistersss and your mammasss too
‘Cause we’re about to go downss
And youss knows just whatss to do
Wave your tonguesss in the air like yousss don’t care
Glide by the peoplesss as they startsss to looksss and staresss
Do your squeezesss, do your squeezesss, do your squeezesss quick mammasss
Come snakeletsss tell me what’s the wordsss
Wordssssss upssssss.”
Grand Cayman Iguana (Cyclura Lewisi)
This grand cayman iguana can’t remember that word.
False Water Cobra (Hydrodynastes gigas)
After a long day away, false water cobras show their appreciation for your return by barking and licking your face. True water cobras react rather differently.
Cuban Crocodile (Crocodylus rhombifer)
With the embargo lifted, the Cuban crocodile knows it’s just a matter of time and their plans will reach fruition. They’ve been patient this long. They wait a little longer.
Western Banded Gecko (Coleonyx variegates)
Western banded geckos are a common choice for beginner lizard climbers. This is largely due to the easy footholds, the relatively low slope and the easily accessible resting cave that can serve as a basecamp.
Desert Box Turtle (Terrapene ornata luteola)
He doesn’t like being old.
He is upset at how the world has changed.
He hates the kids today.
He is angry that the lifestyles he was not permitted in his youth are now considered acceptable.
He doesn’t understand why his jokes aren’t funny anymore.
He dislikes today’s music, television, and movies.
Grumph.
Western Banded Gecko (Coleonyx variegates)
“Geckos all the way down” is a work in progress.