The low 2D:4D ratio indicates that this monkey would do well at M.I.T.
Category Archives: Lie
Sulphur-crested Cockatoo (Cacatua galerita)
“Really? That’s the argument you’re going with?”
“You didn’t Google anything, did you?”
North American Porcupine (Erethizon dorsatum)
“Yeah, I’m here for the Punk Appreciation Meetup group.”
Red Cornsnake (Pantherophis guttatus)
The doctor is still working on the “Say ‘aaah'” part.
Blanding’s turtle (Emys blandingii)
Someone has a secret, but they’re not telling.
Leopard Gecko (Eublepharis macularius)
“Yessss, come closssser my pretty. Letssss get a good look at you. Worry not. Wikipedia ssssaysss I’m harmelessssssss.” /Clicks [Save Edit] button./
American Kestrel (Falco sparverius)
Facing her arch-nemesis*, Kestrel takes a deep breath and prepares to unleash her astonishing super sonic** scream, in the hopes of blasting*** her enemy backwards and into the clutches**** of her partner.*****
* Well, nemesis, perhaps. Can one truly tell when one’s nemesis is arch until one has completed one’s career and had a chance to assess all the variables?
** Technically, all screams are sonic. This one, though, is sonic and particularly loud as well. Super loud, actually.
*** Metaphoric blasting, that is. The intent is to overload the target’s senses and stun them. It would take a lot more energy to physically move the target than can be stored within a kestrel.
**** “Talons” would be more accurate, but they do clutch, so the word usage is likely sufficiently clear.
***** For some reason, Marvel Comics hasn’t accepted one of my scripts yet.
Jumping Stick Insect
The jumping stick insect has evolved eyes on a large headstock, so they can watch you while they want and make sure that you’re not going to take away their leaf.
Grizzly Bear
Bears would have discovered fire a long time ago if they didn’t do their best thinking in the tub.
Great Argus (Argusianus argus)
The distinctive whorled pattern on the wings comes from the pheasant’s habit of nesting in hollow trees. As worms and grubs gnaw their way through the wood, they dip in and out of the argus’s feathers, leaving these marks behind.
Snow Monkey
“I don’t understand it. We all went trick-or-treating. They got candy apples, chocolate bars and popcorn. I got a rock.”
Bear
“Watch carefully and you’ll see that, at no point, do my claws ever leave my paws.”
Turtle Hand
Even if all you use your hands for is digging around in the mud, there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself to a nice manicure once in a while.
Red Panda (Ailurus fulgens)
Red panda pondering the ultimate meaninglessness of existence, realizing that life is finite and, once gone, is gone forever. Also, a tad peckish and desiring some grapes.
Bactrian Camel (Camelus bactrianus)
It’s the eye of the camel
It’s the thrill of the flight
Spitting through a gap of white enamel
And the last living mammal
Stays awake through the night
And he’s watching us all with the eye of the camel
Red Panda (Ailurus fulgens)
Red pandas are not well trained in the art of debate.
Asian small clawed otter
If you don’t pay careful attention to the instructions, you could wind up with unused material left over from your otter kit. If this happens, be sure to fix it before the glue sets or you’ll have to stick the extra bits on way they’ll fit.
Bactrian Camel (Camelus bactrianus)
Many people get a new camel once the lips start falling off, but this is actually an easily solved problem and one that is much less likely to occur if the regular maintenance is performed.
Nicobar Pigeon
Though Nicobar pigeons mostly eat fruits and seeds, they do live on islands and will sometimes pick up a seed on the beach. Though rare, occasionally, a grain of sand does get stuck under their tongue. That is where pigeon pearls come from.
Bobcat (Lynx rufus)
The smaller a cat is, the better it tastes. Or maybe that’s the other way around.