This kinkajou is sad because you’re not laughing at her joke about John Challis, George Campbell, and “The Fruits of Philosophy”. She wonders if it’s too soon.
Category Archives: Lie
White’s Tree Frog (Litoria caerulea)
When you’re making a frog, you can pretty much just stick the eyes in any which way. It’ll all work out fine.
Bat
Bats like to live in caves. It can take a colony of one hundred bats an entire year to carve out a cave large enough for their young. It is important to put bat houses up in your yard to shelter members of the colony as they create their permanent home.
Snowy Owl (Bubo scandiacus)
Snowy owls often have trust issues.
Bactrian camel (Camelus bactrianus)
Swallow attempting to teach a young camel to fly. The camel is having some difficulty grasping the core concepts.
Kinkajou (Potos flavus)
This is a kinkajou. No joke I can make here is better than what you’re thinking right now.
Yes, that’s right. Kinkajous can psychically implant humor in your brain.
Common Squirrel Monkey (Saimiri sciureus)
In times of extreme danger, the common squirrel monkey rolls itself into a ball and bounces away to freedom.
Bactrian camel (Camelus bactrianus)
Turns out they’re not humps. They’re sails.
Electric Phoenix
Early in the morning, this electric phoenix flies to the Ives Dairy Substation and plugs a single feather from its breast to re-kindle the power for the day. Every ten years, the phoenix runs out of feathers and combusts. From the residue of the substation, a new phoenix arises and flies off to a different land so its various citizens may watch reality TV and create blended fruit drinks.
Cane Toad (Rhinella marina)
In the early days of the world, there was naught but dirt, water, mud and grass. Kuwatuwan The Uninspired, creator of the Darien isthmus (construction projects involve a lot of outsourcing) sat and thought. As he thought, he toyed with the mud and dirt, forming it into a small pile. Looking down on what he made, he smiled. Then he sneezed. Having inadvertently breathed life into his creation, he blinked slowly as the toad flopped out of his hand and hopped away. Kuwatuwan looked about to make sure his supervisor wasn’t looking his way. Noticing that she was distracted overseeing Pacific Ring of Fire, he nudged the toad under a large clump of grass and wandered off to work on his next assignment … digging the Himalayan sea.
A while later, the toads were taken to Australia to eat the grey-backed cane and Frenchi beetles. Because introducing animals in Australia always goes well.
Indian Flying Fox (Pteropus giganteus)
If your lettuce has become infested with bats, you should completely remove it from the house before getting more.
Bactrian camel (Camelus bactrianus)
100% of all the vital nutrients required for bactrian camels to survive can be found in bactrian camels.
Ocelot (Leopardus pardalis)
The margay’s spots make it a master of disguise. If it’s stalking you, you’ll never see it in time. Here, if you look closely, you can see the camouflaged cat sneaking up on you from the bottom left hand side of the screen. It’s plan is for you to be completely distracted by the ocelot on the right.
Cotton-top Tamarin (Saguinus oedipus)
Tamarins like to eat sweet things. In India, they soak the tamarins in warm water, then, after removing them, boil the water so it reduces to a nice sweet brown sauce. Tamarin sauce goes well with papadums.
Giraffe Stag-Beetle (Prosopocoilus giraffa)
“I have been … and always shall be … your friend.”
House Wren
Birds must approach people sized before they can have a frog stuck in their throat. Until then, they make due with smaller items.
Moving Leaf Insect (Phyllium celebicum)
Some insects have adopted a method of camouflage in which they closely resemble the plants on which they live. Insectivores such as shrews, chameleons, and aardwolfs (aardwolves?) do not see these large bugs, so they are safe.
They get eaten by sheep instead.
Bison (Bison bison (Bison bison (Bison bison (Bison bison))))
It takes a while for young bison to grow their full coat of fur. Until then, to stave off chills, they wear one of their parents.
Bactrian camel (Camelus bactrianus)
The camels go sleeping three by three.
Hoorah! Hoorah!
The camels go sleeping three by three.
Hoorah! Hoorah!
The camels go sleeping three by three.
Then they wake up to look at me,
And they all go laying down, upon the ground.
They don’t care about rain.
Cactus
Every night the moon grows fuller, more flowers open. At the height of the full moon, when all flowers open, the cactus walks the desert searching for sleeping victims to awake for pollination assistance.