Shots like this make me feel like a BBC photographer.
Tomistoma
Jelly
To create a clove hitch, make a loop around a nearby fish. Then make another loop and pass the free end under the second loop before tightening. You can also just create a loop in the free end and slide it over the fish, if the fish is moving slowly enough. Then make another loop the same as the first. Put the second loop over the fish (just above the first loop) and tighten the hitch.
Decorator Crab
Decorator crabs are known for gluing bits of coral and shells to themselves to aid in camouflage – but some just want to be fluffy.
Karaganda Pit Viper
It’s a little known fact that the hydra of legend was really just a really well-coordinated group of friends.
Human and Fish
I like how they put up a force field to keep the fish from eating the kid.
And for those of you who say “umm, it’s glass”, might I remind you that the kid can’t touch the glass because the electrons in his hand are repelled by the electrons in the glass, so it’s all about the electromagnetic FORCE.
So I’m right.
Thhhppppt*.
*Except about that. Google tells me it’s actually spelled “Thpppt”.
Fish
Fish that just got one of those “grab the book nearest you and turn to page X” memes and is honestly baffled.
Who has a single book that is clearly the “nearest”? Do you measure from the center of your body mass? From your outer surface? If it’s not clear, are you supposed to get a measuring tape? What if you walk nearer a different book on your way to get the tape and back? Do you have to measure the distance to every book along that path to pick the right one? What happens when you reach out to measure, changing your outer surface’s proximity to the book? What if you go through all this effort to find that there is no page X? What if the book is only X-4 pages long? What if page X is blank? What if page X was torn out in a fit of frustration the last time you had to go through this exercise.
This fish thinks the Internet is too complicated and goes back to reading.
(and before you ask, the fish can read underwater because of the SCUBA* gear.)
*Self Contained Underwater Browsing Apparatus
Dwarf Seahorse
This seahorse is glad that Pete Townshend added the “to your heart” line to “Let My Love Open The Door”, as that would be a troublesome authentication factor to develop.
Eyelash Viper
This viper is here to remind you it’s not your fault you were born into an unfair and exploitative system and that when you encounter abusers, you should bite them and inject your venom into their blood
This viper might be oversimplifying that second point.
Ornate Plated Lizard
Plated lizards have racing stripes to help them run faster.
Magnificent Frigatebird
This Magnificent Frigatebird was injured in Hurricane Harvey and is the only captive member of its species in the world (to the best of mine and the aquarium’s knowledge)
While I hope to see some when I eventually travel down to Antarctica, it was nice to see one a bit closer to home.
Bearded Barbet
This barbet knows you’re there, but is refusing to acknowledge your presence because it still remembers the off colour joke you told at a party seven years ago.
Eri Silkmoth Caterpillar
In honor of Saint Patrick’s Day, please remember to eat something green
Whether you shoot out silk at the same time is entirely optional.
Egyptian Tortoise
Three generations ago, there were around 55,000 Egyptian tortoises in the wild. Today, thanks to habitat destruction and the pet trade, there are around 1,000.
So if you want to see one, best visit a zoo.
Fregate Island Palm Beetle
Early efforts to invent the abacus were not very successful.
Sardinian Brook Salamander
Salamander whose starving family caused him to steal, whose ineptitude at theft got him caught and jailed, whose patience got him out, whose cleverness and luck bought him a brand new life, whose strength got him noticed, and who is now trying to decide whether to allow an innocent bear his punishment or publicly come forward as Salamander 24601.
Mindanao Water Monitor
For years now, this water monitor has been collecting the religious paraphernalia offered by various door knockers, only to give the most recent set of documents the next individual in line when they choose to visit. It has proven to be an effective way to disrupt the process.
This water monitor has no proof, but suspects that a similar approach would be effective when applied to unsolicited photographs of genitalia
Bald Eagle
This eagle notes that to get your kid into a good college, you could spend a million dollars when they’re eighteen … or help them with their homework when they’re eight.
This eagle observes that there are a whole lot of bad investors out there.
Golden Silk Orb Weaver
This spider got bit by a radioactive high schooler and now has the proportionate ability to make poor life choices and get B’s in Chemistry.
Sign
Signs sure can be judgemental.
Asian Spotted Climbing Toad
The spots on this frog made me start to think of anti-vax jokes, but really, a social movement that kills our kids just isn’t funny.
As much fun as it is to call them “stupid”, the lack of education in our population reflects on our society’s spending priorities and – for decades – we’ve preferred killing others to protecting our children and creating a better world in which they could live. We’ve allowed a privileged few to create an uneducated population just to keep them in power – risking all of our lives and creating a weakness to be exploited by foreign agents.
The return of measles and mumps are just the leading edge of the maelstrom of consequences heading our way.
So, sorry, but other than ourselves, no joke here today.