Fish that just got one of those “grab the book nearest you and turn to page X” memes and is honestly baffled.
Who has a single book that is clearly the “nearest”? Do you measure from the center of your body mass? From your outer surface? If it’s not clear, are you supposed to get a measuring tape? What if you walk nearer a different book on your way to get the tape and back? Do you have to measure the distance to every book along that path to pick the right one? What happens when you reach out to measure, changing your outer surface’s proximity to the book? What if you go through all this effort to find that there is no page X? What if the book is only X-4 pages long? What if page X is blank? What if page X was torn out in a fit of frustration the last time you had to go through this exercise.
This fish thinks the Internet is too complicated and goes back to reading.
(and before you ask, the fish can read underwater because of the SCUBA* gear.)
This seahorse is glad that Pete Townshend added the “to your heart” line to “Let My Love Open The Door”, as that would be a troublesome authentication factor to develop.
This viper is here to remind you it’s not your fault you were born into an unfair and exploitative system and that when you encounter abusers, you should bite them and inject your venom into their blood
This viper might be oversimplifying that second point.
This Magnificent Frigatebird was injured in Hurricane Harvey and is the only captive member of its species in the world (to the best of mine and the aquarium’s knowledge)
While I hope to see some when I eventually travel down to Antarctica, it was nice to see one a bit closer to home.
This barbet knows you’re there, but is refusing to acknowledge your presence because it still remembers the off colour joke you told at a party seven years ago.
Three generations ago, there were around 55,000 Egyptian tortoises in the wild. Today, thanks to habitat destruction and the pet trade, there are around 1,000.
Salamander whose starving family caused him to steal, whose ineptitude at theft got him caught and jailed, whose patience got him out, whose cleverness and luck bought him a brand new life, whose strength got him noticed, and who is now trying to decide whether to allow an innocent bear his punishment or publicly come forward as Salamander 24601.
For years now, this water monitor has been collecting the religious paraphernalia offered by various door knockers, only to give the most recent set of documents the next individual in line when they choose to visit. It has proven to be an effective way to disrupt the process.
This water monitor has no proof, but suspects that a similar approach would be effective when applied to unsolicited photographs of genitalia
This eagle notes that to get your kid into a good college, you could spend a million dollars when they’re eighteen … or help them with their homework when they’re eight.
This eagle observes that there are a whole lot of bad investors out there.
The spots on this frog made me start to think of anti-vax jokes, but really, a social movement that kills our kids just isn’t funny.
As much fun as it is to call them “stupid”, the lack of education in our population reflects on our society’s spending priorities and – for decades – we’ve preferred killing others to protecting our children and creating a better world in which they could live. We’ve allowed a privileged few to create an uneducated population just to keep them in power – risking all of our lives and creating a weakness to be exploited by foreign agents.
The return of measles and mumps are just the leading edge of the maelstrom of consequences heading our way.
So, sorry, but other than ourselves, no joke here today.
The butterfly splitfin is sort of extinct in the wild. I say “sort of” because it was declared extinct, then they found some more, then they found others that had escaped captivity.
So it is, perhaps, more fair to say that their population has been greatly reduced and then dispersed throughout the area so, while not extinct in the wild, the easiest way to see them is still at zoos.
This tortoise would like to point out that, had aliens visited Earth and set up terraforming equipment that pumped carbon into the atmosphere and raised planetary temperature, humans would have fixed the problem in a couple of years, then would invented interstellar space flight, new weaponry, and spy tech, and then flown off to kick ass.
This monkey thinks Facebook needs a “You’re an idiot” button. It wouldn’t need to actually do anything, but having something to click might reduce the number of times that this monkey makes ill-advised comments on his friends’ posts.
This stick insect baffled at the child being more impressed by the set of 64 crayons than the four markers he gave her – cyan, magenta, yellow, and black. After all, she can make far more than 64 colours with his gift.
