To create a clove hitch, make a loop around a nearby fish. Then make another loop and pass the free end under the second loop before tightening. You can also just create a loop in the free end and slide it over the fish, if the fish is moving slowly enough. Then make another loop the same as the first. Put the second loop over the fish (just above the first loop) and tighten the hitch.

Human and Fish

Human and Fish

I like how they put up a force field to keep the fish from eating the kid.

And for those of you who say “umm, it’s glass”, might I remind you that the kid can’t touch the glass because the electrons in his hand are repelled by the electrons in the glass, so it’s all about the electromagnetic FORCE.

So I’m right.


*Except about that. Google tells me it’s actually spelled “Thpppt”.



Fish that just got one of those “grab the book nearest you and turn to page X” memes and is honestly baffled.

Who has a single book that is clearly the “nearest”? Do you measure from the center of your body mass? From your outer surface? If it’s not clear, are you supposed to get a measuring tape? What if you walk nearer a different book on your way to get the tape and back? Do you have to measure the distance to every book along that path to pick the right one? What happens when you reach out to measure, changing your outer surface’s proximity to the book? What if you go through all this effort to find that there is no page X? What if the book is only X-4 pages long? What if page X is blank? What if page X was torn out in a fit of frustration the last time you had to go through this exercise.

This fish thinks the Internet is too complicated and goes back to reading.

(and before you ask, the fish can read underwater because of the SCUBA* gear.)

*Self Contained Underwater Browsing Apparatus

Sardinian Brook Salamander

Sardinian Brook Salamander_4

Salamander whose starving family caused him to steal, whose ineptitude at theft got him caught and jailed, whose patience got him out, whose cleverness and luck bought him a brand new life, whose strength got him noticed, and who is now trying to decide whether to allow an innocent bear his punishment or publicly come forward as Salamander 24601.

Mindanao Water Monitor

Mindanao Water Monitor_1

For years now, this water monitor has been collecting the religious paraphernalia offered by various door knockers, only to give the most recent set of documents the next individual in line when they choose to visit. It has proven to be an effective way to disrupt the process.

This water monitor has no proof, but suspects that a similar approach would be effective when applied to unsolicited photographs of genitalia

Asian Spotted Climbing Toad

Asian Spotted Climbing Toad

The spots on this frog made me start to think of anti-vax jokes, but really, a social movement that kills our kids just isn’t funny.

As much fun as it is to call them “stupid”, the lack of education in our population reflects on our society’s spending priorities and – for decades – we’ve preferred killing others to protecting our children and creating a better world in which they could live. We’ve allowed a privileged few to create an uneducated population just to keep them in power – risking all of our lives and creating a weakness to be exploited by foreign agents.

The return of measles and mumps are just the leading edge of the maelstrom of consequences heading our way.

So, sorry, but other than ourselves, no joke here today.

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