Three generations ago, there were around 55,000 Egyptian tortoises in the wild. Today, thanks to habitat destruction and the pet trade, there are around 1,000.

So if you want to see one, best visit a zoo.

For years now, this water monitor has been collecting the religious paraphernalia offered by various door knockers, only to give the most recent set of documents the next individual in line when they choose to visit. It has proven to be an effective way to disrupt the process.

This water monitor has no proof, but suspects that a similar approach would be effective when applied to unsolicited photographs of genitalia

This tortoise would like to point out that, had aliens visited Earth and set up terraforming equipment that pumped carbon into the atmosphere and raised planetary temperature, humans would have fixed the problem in a couple of years, then would invented interstellar space flight, new weaponry, and spy tech, and then flown off to kick ass.

The black spotted turtle, Geoclemys hamiltoni, was named after the Scottish ichthyologist Francis Hamilton, not Alexander. This is a shame, as had things gone differently, we could have had a rap-battle musical with turtles in.