Stop.

Scroll up.

I don’t believe what they just posted there.

Though they’re good at ringing your bell and telling you their story, don’t believe the pictures in their literature.

If the story took place in the middle east, the owls wouldn’t be white.

At 4-8 times stronger than that humans, they say that an eagle can taste a rabbit 3.2 km away.

I think I have that right.

Right?

___How eagles respond to concerns___

Concern: “I’m worried that something bad is going to happen to me.”
Concern: “Can you do this one little thing to make sure it doesn’t?”
Eagle: “Bad things happen all the time.”

Concern: “OK, I’m worried that this specific thing is going to happen to me.”
Eagle: “It’s not going to happen.”

Concern: “Well, but it did happen in that country all the way over here.”
Eagle: “Sure, but it can’t happen here.”

Concern: “But it did happen here too, elsewhere in the country sure, but it happened.”
Eagle: “That was several states away. That wasn’t, like, ‘here’ here.”

Concern: “What about that time it happened right in this city, several years ago?”
Eagle: “That was when we were kids, that didn’t count.”

…time passes..

Concern: “So, that bad thing I was worried about that you said couldn’t happen here, happened last night.”
Eagle: “We need to wait until all the data is in. There’s no reason to be concerned yet.”

Concern: “I was there. The specific bad thing happened to me last night.”
Eagle: “Well, okay, maybe. I’d still like to see proof.”

Concern: “HERE ARE PHOTOGRAPHS, VIDEOS, RECORDED TESTIMONY. LOOK AT MY BRUISES AND SCRATCHES. SEE MY CAST?”
Concern: “SEE THIS LIST OF THE INJURED AND DEAD? IF YOU HAD JUST DONE THAT ONE LITTLE THING, THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED!!!”
Eagle: “… it didn’t happen to me.”

A key skill to being an avian consultant is to be able to hear things like …

– We want to outsource our nest building, but need to maintain strict quality controls in all aspects of design, material selection, and placement, while also gaining new features like automated egg rotation meeting our species’ ideal, two bathrooms, and a walk in closet.

– Yes, my plumage is old and I really should have molted a few years ago, but I’m just really busy, you know. I was thinking that, since growing new feathers takes so long, that maybe I just spruce myself up with a bit of paint. What do you think?

– I have this awesome entrepreneurial idea! Just in time on-demand prime worm delivery for all the birds that don’t want to be early! Can you put together a business plan, risk analysis, vendor sourcing review, ROI calculation, and marketing plan? I’ll be able to pay you next year once the business is successful.

… and still make this face.

Eagles like sushi as much as humans.

They’re just less picky about presentation.

Huh Turns out hoothoots are real.

Eagle pondering whether “bad words” are actively malicious or just poorly constructed.

“Nobody puts Baby in the corner,” he said.

Turns out, sometimes they do.